I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
