Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
