Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
