i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was confusing and full of hummus
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
