Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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