i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You can't just leave with hair like that
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
