remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
