So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
