dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
