why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
