Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
