I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
