what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
