ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
