Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
