Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
