____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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