He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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