Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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