piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
