$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
