Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
