no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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