Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I FOUND THE LEGS
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
