i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
