so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
