Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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