Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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