Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
