Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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