I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
try to milk me bitch
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