I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
