I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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