I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
