my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
