This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
