Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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