Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
