Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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