Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
