So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
