I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
