Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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