office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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