to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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