Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
