Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
