you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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