Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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