i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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