Michael Bay diarrhea
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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